


falling doesn't feel so bad (when i know you've fallen this way too)

by InAFandomInducedHazeAtTheMoment



Category: Keeper of the Lost Cities Series - Shannon Messenger
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/F, Hanahaki Disease, How Do I Tag, M/M, No beta we die like Kenric, but they're also soulmates for some reason, canon divergent as in marella is with the gang and meets tam in neverseen not nightfall, going to stop rambling in the tags now, oh yeah all the kids GET therapy 2k20, rated T because Tam says the f bomb so many times oh my god like, read the tw in the beginning notes and feel free to tell me if i need to add anything!, theyre cool like that, yes i made the song twins manifest at age 9 and what about it?, yes it's a hanahaki au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-25
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-10 17:41:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28211070
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InAFandomInducedHazeAtTheMoment/pseuds/InAFandomInducedHazeAtTheMoment
Summary: He suddenly doubles over in a fit of coughs. He can hear the door shut and the sound of expensive boots walking away but he can't do anything but stare as he’s gasping for breath. Minutes tick by and as he finally gets up, the taste of bitter apricot won't leave his mouth. But he plasters on a smile and hides a grimace as he walks into the room.A lone petunia petal is left on the floor, unseen, an omen of the despair to come(Or: Tam has flowers that wrap around his lungs and petals that fall out of his mouth. He doesn't know why. Enter a snarky, blonde-haired, blue-eyed boy named Keefe.)
Relationships: Background Marella Redek/Linh Song, Keefe Sencen/Tam Song, Linh Song & Tam Song, Tam Song & Marella Redek
Comments: 14
Kudos: 26





	falling doesn't feel so bad (when i know you've fallen this way too)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MidnightBunnyy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MidnightBunnyy/gifts).



> to mb..surprise!! i was your secret giver and here is the fic!! hope you like it!!
> 
> also, can i just say, this had no right being a whopping a little over 6.5k....like who gave it the right? this was supposed to be maybe 1.5k max and the next thing you know, this monstrosity is 20 pages and like 6512 words like AAAAH?? 
> 
> anyway, enjoy!! (and props if you find the tiny little crumb of dellivvy i snuck in 👀)
> 
> title from "Devil Town" by Cavetown which is SUCH a good song for the song twins and i'm literally obsessed so check it out! 
> 
> **tw: non-graphic descriptions of blood and choking of flowers (it's like told? kind of descriptively? and that's it), mentions of death (not really serious but just in case it's mentioned a few times), cursing (so much cursing..like SO much usage of the word fuck) and as always, copious amounts of the use of italics**

**_Choralmere, age 10_**

_A sharp, high-pitched giggle pierces the air._

_“Come on Tam, I want you to see this new trick I can do with water._

_“It’s wohter Linh not wahter. and besides my throat hurts, maybe later.“_

_” Oh Linh its blah blah blah and blah my throat blah blah, I don't need you to tell me what to do smarty-pants I’M the hydrokin--hydrokiniti--hydro---_

_Linh’s juvenile mouth can't grasp the word fully (another flaw Mai and Quan blame on their twins)_

_“Whatever! I'm the water girl and I say that I'm right in every way. When we can talk about your shadow stuff, then you can be in charge. There. Happy now?”_

_“I’m never happy,” Tam grumbles._

_But he can’t help but watch with wonder as his sister starts to make shapes with the water. Balls shape into imps and pufflepets. It’s such a remarkable blue when it reflects off that sunlight and makes it close to an icy blue color. Such a pretty color it is.. he wonders how pretty it would look like the color of someone’s eyes._

_Tam's so entranced by the talent that he almost forgets his throat pain._

_Almost._

_“Tam!” and suddenly all the shapes are gone and he feels hands grabbing onto him and he’s hunched over and he can only see the ground and the water pooling around his feet, and water?--_

_**No.** _

_Water seeps into his clothes and he’s annoyed at himself for forgetting Linh’s powers still follow her emotions_

_“Run Linh, run! If we get found here with your water tricks we’re going to get in trouble and remember the last time that happened?”_

_“But--but Tam, look at the mess I’ve created all because of my water animals and now your throat hurts and you’re coughing and now all of mom’s flowers are ruined and how am I ever going to tell mom and dad to get me a pet now?”_

_Linh’s face scrunches up and tears start pouring out “Oh Tam, Tam what am I going to do? you go talk to mom please, she thinks you’re better than me, please oh please Ta--”_

“m, Tam are you listening to me? I'm doing what’s best for you and Linh and maybe you need to--

“NO! No. No, you don’t know what’s good for me and Linh. because if you did, then Linh wouldn’t be scared in her room because she is a hydrokinetic and lives in a place with water surrounding her because her mother likes the _sounds of the ocean. ”_

Tam takes a deep breath.

“If you were doing what’s best for us, we wouldn't have to hide. If you cared about what we wanted, we would be happy.” 

Tam wills himself not to cry as his father scoffs, “Happiness is overrated Tam, you know this. But, _if_ you take this wonderful opportunity you’ve been granted and go to Foxfire, a school for the _gifted_ that you got into with flying colors,” 

He sighs, “Then we might do something to help your sister.” 

Tam glances up, a hopeful look on his face, “Like leave?” 

Quan’s lip curls up into a smirk, “Maybe. If, _and only if_ you do what I'm telling you to. I'm trying to help you, Tam, stop being ungrateful after everything me and your mother have been put through to take care of you both.” 

Tam’s jaw clenches and suddenly the room’s atmosphere seems stifling. He needs to breathe. 

_Deep breaths, that's right, deep breaths, just like Linh tells you._

He can see his father’s smug face in his line of sight, and his fists clench tighter. Linh is sitting in her room, waiting for him. 

_Be an example. She needs a support system, not someone to defend her._

Tam turns on his heels, huffing as he heads to his sister's room. He can hear his father scoff and leave towards the door, no doubt to quell the rumors of the yelling that just occurred in the house. 

As he reaches the door, Quan turns, eyes cold and unforgiving, “And Tam, one more thing. Learn to control that tongue of yours. I don’t want to hear any backtalk from you anymore. It’s disrespectful, demeaning, downright abusive, and after all, what will the neighbors think?” 

Tam turns to give him a piece of his mind when he suddenly doubles over in a fit of coughs. He can hear the door shut and the sound of expensive boots walking away but he can't do anything but stare as he’s gasping for breath. Minutes tick by and as he finally gets up, the taste of bitter apricot won't leave his mouth. But he plasters on a smile and hides a grimace as he walks into the room.

A lone petunia petal is left on the floor, unseen, an omen of the despair to come.

* * *

_**Wildwood Colony, age 13**_

The ground is cold, Tam realizes.

After almost 2 years, you think he would have gotten used to it but the biting frost against Tam's pale skin never goes away. And even though Tam's hands are numb, and his brain screams at him to sleep, his insomnia keeps him up. 

_Where’s Linh?_

He lies on his side trying to get a bearing of his surroundings. Roots and branches dig into his side and he fumbles, wondering how Linh sleeps through this, smiling and pushing away her feelings. He frowns. It’s not healthy for her to push aside her bad feelings. She needs to talk. 

_They_ need to talk. 

It's funny how they're the only two people in each other’s company yet they haven't talked in awhile. Not like they should be talking. Tam wants to blame it on their parents. He wonders if anyone else has issues with their parents like they do. 

Maybe he’d make a friend out of them. They’d be tall, he hopes, taller than Linh. But if they make fun of my bangs, their friendship would be over. Maybe they’d be funny. But a kind of funny that Tam would understand. They'd laugh at his jokes and make him smile when he’s feeling miserable. They’d be blond, or a redhead? Maybe even a brunette? 

Tam’’s so caught in his wishful thinking, he gets distracted. A tickle in his throat. 

_Dammit._

Tam gets up hacking into the nearest bush, petals falling at an alarming rate from his mouth into the shrubbery. 

“Tam?, Oh my stars, Tam!” 

Cool hands grasp his arms and help him up while he’s catching his breath. 

“Tam you really need to get this checked.” 

“I’m fine.”

" You said that the last time it happened. And the last, and the time before that. Tam this has been going for a while since we were kids, you really need to figure out how to stop it.” 

Linh means well, he tries to remind himself, but her words still sound patronizing to his ears.

“How can I do that, when I don't even know what it is?” he practically snarls at her.

“I don't know Tam,” She says, her tone sharp.

Maybe if you stop snapping at me when I’m trying to help then we can talk and figure it out ourselves..or we could ask the Exillium coaches? Maybe they’ve seen this before and know something like how to stop it--” The frustration in her voice is clear.

“No. No, I don't need Coach Rohana adding another weakness and making our lives miserable. who knows how long we’ll be in there, no..no we need to be strong” 

Linh’s face crumples and she takes an unsteady breath. Her voice breaks, “How long do we have to be strong for? How long before we get to live somewhere permanent?” 

I'm getting tired, Tam. I miss home.” 

Guilt immediately eats Tam's insides up. He should be protecting his sister. He should be the one holding the burdens and the one dealing with the hits from their parents. The snide remarks and cool looks from the other Waywards and the Coaches while Linh focuses on controlling her ability and flourishing, now as free as they can be.

He ignores the voice calling him a coward in his head and opens his arms for Linh to crawl in. As her sobs wet the shirt of his tunic, Tam makes a promise. 

_Tomorrow...They’re going to talk..tomorrow._

* * *

_**Black Swan Hideout, age 15**_

Tam doesn't know how he ended up in the room away from Linh’s and he’s not about to storm across to Mr. Forkle and get a cryptic reason why. Not when his eyes hold many secrets and his shadows tell him there’s nothing for him to trust here. Very few people refuse readings and he’s known not to trust those people. 

And not when he’s currently occupied, coughing full heads of flowers in the space between his bed and the wall. 

Ever since he’s met Sophie and her gang, his coughing fits have been getting worse and worse. He wonders if has something to do with that blonde boy, with the ice-blue eyes, who Tam can't get out of his head. Tam grunts after standing up and shakes off the thoughts. He's about to wipe the blood off his lips _(that’s new)_ when one girl walks in. 

_Marella was it?_ He can remember Linh sneaking glances at her and her sneaking glances back. 

_Guess he has to remind Linh not to trust anyone here._

She winces in sympathy when she takes a good look at him. 

“So you have Hanahaki too? Thought Keefy Boy over here was the only one.” She seems to be lost in thought. “Interesting” 

Tam interrupts her apparent musing. “ Excuse me? Hana what?” 

Marella looks at him, bewildered. “You don't know what Hanahaki disease is? They teach it when you’re a first-year in--” 

Tam levels her with a look. He just wants to wipe the blood off his hands and take a nap maybe. This girl telling him how this haniki disease works can leave and if Tam wasn't so exhausted he'd force his shadows to make her. But Marella bounces back, her eyes bright with glee. She pats the side of the bed, gesturing for him to sit, and begins to tell him, 

“Hanahaki Disease: the curse of unrequited love.”

_Unrequited?_

 _“_ It's very rare in the elf community, but maybe you and your twin over there are something special huh?” She elbows Tam and winks playfully.

“Anywho basically if you’re soulmates then you’ll get flowers clogging up your lungs because the mere thought of them makes you stop breathing. It's very deadly which is probably why it's super rare. So rare that it can't really be solved unless your soulmate is aware of and returns your affections.” 

She eyes the blood on his face warily, “And seeing as how you didn’t even know what the disease was, I doubt you’re going to find them.” 

Tam stiffens at the bluntness of her words. 

Marella seems to notice and her voice takes on a comforting tone, “Hey no worries though, I’m sure the Fork-Man here would have something to fix it? Or at least slow down the process?” 

Tam gets up from the bed, somehow feeling worse than before.

“Thanks, but you can go now.” 

Marella winces at his clipped tone and gives him one more look, a mix of confusion and pity before she leaves and shuts the door. Tam heads to the bathroom and looks at himself in the mirror. His pale face, bloodied lips, and eye bags stare back. 

_Hanahaki? Soulmates? On top of this black swan stuff?_ He’s doomed. 

Utterly, irrevocably, and incomprehensibly doomed. 

* * *

_**Neverseen Hideout, age 16**_

_Keep your head down, don’t make eye contact, don’t stop and talk, just keep walking. There’s no time for idle chatter. Especially after the stunt you just pulled._

He can’t believe Keefe did that. Couldn’t that stupid, insolent blond care about his safety just this one time?

Tam’s black cape swishes on the floor as he stomps through the hallway. His chest aches and he blinks, tears in the corner of his eyes. _Please, not now._

He doesn’t have time for a break. His chest can hurt for a little bit more until he makes it to the privacy of his room.

_Just a few more moments…._

He can feel the tell-tale tickle in his throat. He has maybe a few seconds before full stems of flowers start tumbling out of his mouth. _Give or take._

As soon as he steps into his room, Tam slams the door and runs to the bathroom, petals and leaves falling and littering the carpet floor. He doesn’t seem to notice the girl sitting on his bed, watching him retch purple flowers, frozen in shock. 

A few, heart-wrenchingly long, minutes later, Tam wipes his mouth, and heads towards the sink to freshen up. He’s halfway to splashing water on his face when he catches sight of someone in the mirror.

“Glimmer!’ He gasps out

_He could’ve sworn he locked the door..._

“How-How long have you been sitting there?”

Glimmer clears her throat and schools her surprised features into indifference. She seems like she’s just solved something and Tam is grateful he doesn't need to see that look with her hood shrouding her face. It will help when he has to explain why he’s apparently vomiting hydrangeas. 

A fact, he himself isn’t very sure of. 

“So--” Tam begins.

“Your soulmate is Lady Gisela’s son?” Glimmer interrupts.

“What?” 

Glimmer sighs, as if not surprised at Tam’s lack of knowledge, and he bristles at the sound. 

“You’re like the only person here with Hanahaki, which means flower disease by the way. And when Keefe was here, he would choke and cough and head to the bathroom every so often. Plus, there were the flowers that would appear on his cape. I don’t know how often it was since I wasn’t really part of the group that trained him, but I’m guessing that you both met each other a little before then. You put two and two together and well--you know.”

Tam’s mouth opens in shock. He doesn't want to believe it but it almost _makes sense_. 

_Especially because whenever you think of him_ \-- _No_. 

No, he can’t listen to her. He can’t trust what anyone says here. He needs to be one step ahead if he wants to survive. If he wants to protect Linh. If he wants to leave. 

Glimmer scoffs as if she can read what he’s thinking, “I’m not stupid Tam, I know this stuff. And you like him, don’t lie to me, that’s probably why Lady Gisela was unconscious when I found you. To protect him. Honestly, it seems obvious, don’t tell me you didn’t suspect it at least a little bit.”

Of course Tam suspected it. Who wouldn’t? But he dismissed it as him being wistful and had other things to occupy his mind with. Like how to defeat the Neverseen with Sophie and the Black Swan. 

But now, with nothing except Keefe to think about, his mind keeps working into overdrive, connecting all the clues like pieces in a puzzle. 

The way every time he thinks of Keefe, flowers come soon after. The ice blue. The blond hair. The time in the forest. The feeling in his chest when he hears Keefe's laughter. 

It seems _so_ obvious that Tam has to stagger into a chair and sit to process this new information.

“I’ll see myself out then,” Glimmer gets up and heads towards the door, noticing how she’s clearly not wanted at the moment.

A noncommittal hum is the only acknowledgment that Tam’s heard what she said.

The door shuts, and Tam groans into his hands when he finally realizes that he’s alone.

_Just when he thought things couldn’t get any worse._

* * *

_**Everglen, also known as the newly coined, Vacker-Sonden residence, age 17**_

Tam sits at the fire, the smell of melted sugar coating his nostrils. He should be happy. After all, he just graduated and is about to go into the Elite levels.and he _is_...well about as happy you can be with flowers wrapped around your lungs. He can feel the roots digging into his lungs. 

_And the terror and screams of that night...The day you betrayed everyone with your shadowflux, the day people learned why you should never trust a shade._ His mind whispers. 

But Tam will get through it. He has to. For Linh’s sake. He can see Marella and Linh in his peripheral, wrapped around each other, and whispering amongst themselves, huge smiles and moony eyes at each other. He turns his head and snorts. 

_Girls._

As he feels the sparks and watches the flames _,_ Tam silently hopes he doesn't see Keefe at this celebration. The Neverseen are gone and they’re finally able to be kids. At least, for a little while. 

Tam is really only looking forward to making fun of the lovebirds and lamenting about how his sister stole his best friend away from him, distracting himself from his thoughts. He’s about to get up and get some of Edaline’s famous mallowmelt (which he still hasn’t tried) when he hears laughter and a familiar voice near him. 

_Keefe._

He tries to leave and looks for a way out when-- 

“Hey, Bangs Boy. Miss me?” _Fuck_

“When would I find the time to think about you, let alone miss?” 

Tam turns and he can’t help the smile that blooms on his face. He tries to force down the happiness that bubbles out of his chest when he sees Keefe. 

_Hanahaki disease: the curse of unrequited love._ Marella’s words ring in his head. 

_Control that tongue boy, what will the neighbors think?_ His father berates. 

_After all, who could care about their poor little shade when they're too worried about my son and the moonlark to save him?_ Gisela's voice from his nightmares taunts him.

The smile on his face immediately dissipates and he shudders. 

_No._ Better keep quiet until at least he graduates the elite levels. Maybe then they’d find a cure and he wouldn’t have to die. Tam is reminded of what happened when the physicians found out. Livvy and Elwin could only stare in disbelief when Linh brought him over after a bad coughing fit after the last battle. They shared a look when she told them it’s been getting increasingly worse around Sophie's gang. He knows why. And he hates it. 

Keefe doesn’t feel the same way. He knows that. And if there’s a slight chance that he _does_ , there’s still matching that has to go on and then the stress of elite levels and if they broke up, then how would their friends react? Whose sides would they have to take? No, He won’t tell Keefe, not to confess and lose the friendship they’ve made after years of playful rivalry and prank wars. 

_He’d rather die than break his family apart again._

Tam’s taken out of his thoughts when he hears Keefe clear his throat. A painful sound, Tam winces in sympathy. 

Keefe takes a deep breath and begins talking when he sees that he’s gotten Tam’s attention.

“Tam. You--I--I mean--Well I know we got off to a rough start, mostly because you were too much like me, with the snark and the parent issues and I didn’t like that and that your hair was better than mine and way cooler and a little bit about how you were very suspicious but mostly because you were, are really really pre--” 

Tam licks his dry lips absent-mindedly. Keefe promptly shuts his mouth and turns a bright red. His Adam's apple bobs as he swallows. He opens his mouth and closes it again. 

“What--What were we talking about again?” Tam’s brow furrows in confusion.

“You were telling me something? About us not getting along?” Keefe swallows again, 

“Right.”

“Well you know,” His eyes lose their steeliness and he smiles playfully and nudges Tam,

“I'm just glad we’re friends.” The words seem painful for Keefe to say and Tam would have seen the long, shuddering breath he took after if he wasn’t already focused on only one word of that conversation.

_Friends. Right._

Tam can feel the roots lodging their way in his lungs and the telltale signs of flowers in his throat. He rushes past Keefe's concerned face and tries to find a place away from Sophie. He can’t add this stress on top of her already immense plate of responsibilities. 

“Would you excuse me for a moment? Tell Linh I’ll be back at Solreef if you see her”

Tam half crawls to the nearest room and locks himself in the bathroom. He retches violently and tears prick his eyes at the thorns scraping his throat. He can feel the stray petals gathering at his feet. What feels like years pass by and Tam finally gets up and takes a look at the mess he’s created. Full flowers, stems and all are on the floor, each one a pure white carnation. 

_Fuck._ He thought he had more time _._

_Another trip to Elwin’s._

He tries to clean up the mess he’s made and wipes his tears, stepping out to say goodbye to everyone. In his hurry, he misses the single, pale blue carnation hiding underneath a separate section of the carpet. A flower color he’s never seen before. 

The color of his eyes.

* * *

_**Foxfire Elite Towers, age 18**_

Tam is sick. 

That much is clear. His stuffy, runny nose and red eyes will tell you no different. 

But he’s fine. He _is._

He’s definitely well enough for Linh to stop babying him and let him go to his classes. Lady Zillah would understand, and that’s the worst part. He doesn't need to be pitied. He worked hard to try and fit in. Just because he sometimes chokes up flowers shouldn’t be a factor in this. He is just as powerful as the people here and--

“Tam just drink the elixir. It’s not that bad.” 

“Yes, it is. It tastes like that water from the dirt you splashed at me when we were 10.” 

“You NEED to let that go, it was a rightful splash, you deserved it.” 

“Calling you a dum-dum after you called my shadows stupid because your silly little schoolgirl crush liked me instead of you does not seem like a well-deserved reason” 

Linh rolls her eyes and pinches his cheeks to annoy him before getting up. “Just drink what Elwin told you to drink so I can go to class. I’ll check up on you with Marella and Sophie ok? 

Tam winces. He shouldn’t have to burden his sister like this. 

“Yeah, yeah I’ll be fine, just go to class already,” 

Linh gives him one more glance. _Are you sure you’ll be ok?_

Tam glares at her.

“Yes I'll be fine, I know how to deal with the flowers and I will drink the stuff, just go to class and leave me alone to wallow in boredom,” he declares dramatically before burrowing into his pillows, back facing his sister. Linh snorts and as opens the door, she turns her head, noticing something. Her head tilts and her eyes narrow quizzically. 

“Is that Keefe’s--” Tam blushes. 

“No, Shut up Linh, stop looking at me like that, he lent it to me when I was cold at our last gathering and I forgot to return it. Now go to class weirdo buh-bye!” 

Linh cackles and with a shut of the door, she’s gone. Tam turns around and shifts around in his bed. The quiet atmosphere leaves him alone with his thoughts. 

_The years have been better to him_ , he thinks.

Maybe his Hanahaki thing has gotten worse, but Elwin recommended a therapist for all of the gang after catching them awake clutching each other from the nightmares at a group sleepover. It was hard at first, opening and trusting someone else with his issues but it helps...he’s been coping well enough. Of course, those thoughts still creep up every few days.

Those days he keeps his imparter close to him and takes deep breaths to quell his thoughts. His nails dig deeper into his skin.

_Inhale.The war is over. He and his friends are safe. He isn't the bad guy. The bad guy is defeated. He’s fine. He’s at Foxfire and taking Elite levels with his sister and most of their friends. Everyone is fine and we're all coping. Exhale. Repeat._

Yeah, so it’s getting _better_.

Now if this stupid flower sickness could magic itself away so he doesn’t die soon, he’d be great. Which is another thing he’s been talking to the therapist about. How he’s supposed to tell his soulmate that well...they’re soulmates. It’s been years and he still can’t wrap his head around it. His nose itches and the signs of a sneeze partnered with his flowers don't make for a good outcome. He sneezes and suddenly has to cough, the flowers, petals, stems and all continuously coming out of his mouth like a fountain of blossoms. 

He hears the door open and close, a faraway sound. 

“Marella,” he wheezes. “If Linh sent you, tell her-tell her I’m fine and you need to leave because if one of the mentors catches you here, there’ll be trouble.” 

“Wrong blond Tammy Boy. Though I don’t mind being compared to the wondrous Redek. She is after all super smart and an amazing pyrokinetic, even if she can’t be in the Elite levels. And an absolute riot to be around,” he chuckles good-naturedly.

Keefe’s feet come around and he can see the flowers and blood surrounding the side of Tam’s bed with him hunched over. His eyes widen and his mouth opens in surprise. 

Tam panics. Alarm bells are ringing in his head.

_Fuck, this isn’t the way I was expecting to reveal this._

He quickly wipes his mouth, turns towards Keefe, and grimaces. He suddenly feels like taking a long nap, and wonders if that’s the side effects of the flowers or whatever was in the elixir Elwin gave. There was probably a sedative mixed into that remedy, knowing the healer.

Tam can barely see Keefe’s eyes glance over at the flowers and his torso and harden in determination as he opens his mouth to speak. 

“I--” His voice falters as he catches sight of the tissues and the medicine on Tam’s bedside table. He closes his mouth completely when he takes a look at the other boy’s drowsy eyes and the lack of awareness he’s getting right now. It’s clear whatever Keefe was going to say, Tam wasn’t going to comprehend in this state. 

Keefe huffs, slowly tucking Tam in his bed and softly kissing his forehead before the boy in question realizes what’s happening.

Tam can only focus on Keefe’s face while he’s slipping in and out of consciousness. The last thing he can remember is the spot of dried blood on Keefe’s lips, his lingering touch carding through Tam’s hair, and a blue petal, contrasting Tam’s white flowers on his jerkin before the world turns black.

* * *

_**Foxfire Elite Towers, age 18,**_ _some time later_

Tam wakes up to an empty room and a splitting headache. He groans in pain, sits up, and after quickly getting out of bed and ready to leave, he downs the bottle of Youth on his nightstand and heads out of the door.

He’s halfway through the long hallways when Tam turns to look for his sister and bumps into someone. 

“Oh, I’m sorry” He turns to apologize when the stranger's eyes widen in recognition.

“Hey, you’re that shade from Exillium? T-Tam, right? Dude, you were like the talk of Foxfire a few years ago weren’t you? The elf who can control shadowflux? That’s so cool!”

Tam winces. Great, just what he needed when he’s still barely recovering. 

A-- _What are they even called? A Fan?_

“That’s me.”

“Huh. You’re shorter than I expected.” 

Tam grits his teeth in annoyance. “Sorry to disappoint.” He tries to push past him, so he can leave and finally find Linh when a hand suddenly grabs his arm.

“Hey! Wait a second, man. I’m sorry. Didn’t know that was a sore subject. I’m Aarnav.” 

The boy, _Aarnav_ , his brain supplies, looks at him expectantly, “You know, the new Charger?”

Tam sighs, apparently finding no escape out of this conversation. 

“Hmm,” He shrugs, disinterested. “Good for you?” 

Aarnav brightens. “Thanks, man! I’m excited to start!”

His expression becomes determined. “Hey, since I found here, completely by accident by the way, and you know you probably don’t have anywhere to be. I mean, if you do, that’s totally fine!! I’m just saying,” 

_What is he saying?_

“Anyway, do you--would you like to maybe get some--”

“Shade Boy!” Tam turns to see Keefe jogging towards them. 

He reaches them and wraps an arm around Tam’s shoulders, squeezing tight. He gives a look to the boy standing in front of them and something in Aarnav’s face stutters. Tam’s brows furrow in confusion. _What is happening?_

“I was just on my way to your room to see how you were doing,” He eyes Tam’s crossed arms, slouched position, and hears his croaky voice. 

“Clearly, you’re doing _great_ ,” Tam scoffs.

“I’m fine. In fact, I was just on my way to Linh’s--” 

Keefe cuts him off and drags him back in the direction of his room. Tam tries not to focus on the fact that they’re holding hands.

“Sorry, Anush, maybe some other time,” he calls.

“It’s Aarnav!” comes the indignant reply.

They reach the door of Tam’s room when Keefe sighs in relief. “Okay, we’re finally alone.”

He faces Tam and takes a long, deep breath, “I’ve been meaning to tell you something for a long time. And then when I saw you with the flowers, everything clicked and--”

He holds a hand up when Tam tries to explain, “No. Let me finish.”

“I like you. A lot. Like _a lot_. I’ve liked you for a while now.” He chuckles, “I think I’ve liked you since we met. And, you’re my soulmate.” He starts to laugh gleefully, as if he can’t believe it, “You’re my soulmate!” 

Tam’s standing frozen. His crush knows they’re soulmates? and he likes him back? 

_Is this some kind of weird fever dream?_

“The--You--Like?--I’m--Me?--Flowers?” 

Keefe stares at him nervously, “I mean, yeah? I’m good at hiding it. Man, you really made me cough up so many flowers. Are--Are you mad?”

That jolts Tam out of his reverie. He rushes to correct Keefe. “No, no, no, no, of course not. No, no-no. I’m not--I’m not mad. Why would I be mad? My soulmate just confesses that he likes me back. I’m--I’m, I don’t know. But I’m definitely not mad.”

Keefe looks visibly relieved at that admission. He smirks, deciding to latch on to a specific part of that confession.

“You had a crush on me? How embarrassing is that? I mean,” he coughs. 

“This is kind of awkward you know because I um, I sort of already have a soulmate. And I think he would be _pretty_ upset if I just started courting you out of nowhere. ” 

Tam rolls his eyes and shoves him, “Shut up.”

Keefe smiles, “So what do you say? Wanna be my boyfriend, _soulmate_?”

Tam can’t help but smile back. “Yes,” he breathes.

Suddenly, the questions arise in Tam’s mind, “But the flowers? Hanahaki? Is it--Is it gone now? How? What happens now?”

Keefe scratches his head, “Well I--I don’t actually know? But we’ll figure it out. We always do. This time, we’ll do it together.”

 _Together._ Tam never thought he’d hear those words come out of his soulmate’s mouth. 

He smiles again. 

_He's probably grinned more in this 10 minutes than he has during his entire childhood._

Keefe grabs his hand and marches them to the nurse’s office.

“Looks like we’re taking another trip to Elwin’s! And this time we’ll come bearing good news!” Keefe says as he raises their joined hands. 

“This is what? The 12th visit? 13th? We have to keep this up Tammy, we’re well on our way to beating Foster’s record.”

Tam blinks owlishly, “Tammy?”

“I’m trying out some new nicknames now that we’re official. Can’t keep calling you Bangs Boy if you’re my boyfriend. ”

Tam can’t help the laugh of surprise that comes out of him. 

He may still have some questions, and maybe he’s still not sure if he’s going to die of Hanahaki or not, but he has Keefe. Keefe, his boyfriend. And right now, that’s what matters.

* * *

_**Prism Peaks, age 18**_

Shrieks fill the air. The open area is packed with people, all of them dancing with smiles on their faces, in celebration. Tam sighs. He knew he shouldn’t have come to this party. He should have made up some excuse like Fitz, Biana, Sophie, and Dex did. What were they even doing instead of attending this? Actual work? They didn’t have to come to this stupid party. Whose party was it anyway? Some girl’s Winnowing Gala pre-engagement ceremony or something? _Why was he even here?_

“Tam! Over here!” 

_Ah. That’s why._

Keefe and Marella grin madly at Tam and wave him over to their spot near the food table. 

“Hey McSilverbangs,” He slides in the space next to Keefe. “I missed you.” 

Tam stares at him, half-amused, “You saw me a few hours ago.” 

“Still. I missed hearing your voice, and holding your hand, and kissing your lip--”

“Alright lovebirds, break it up, we get it, you’re soulmates, no need to show off. Now, where’s Linh?”

Tam turns towards Marella, “She’s on her way. She and Wylie had to finish baking something to give as a gift and they banished me from causing a mess in the kitchen so here I am.” 

Keefe wraps an arm around his shoulder, “And we’re glad you’re here Bangs Boy because now you can settle our bet!”

Tam raises a brow, “Bet?”

Marella leans conspiratorially, “I bet Keefe 5 ripplepuffs that when he confessed because I’m sure he did, he had to have mentioned your hair at least twice or _how your eyes are the prettiest shade of blue he’s seen_ at least three times.”

Tam can only gape in shock and he sneaks a glance at his boyfriend, whose cheeks are now flushed pink in embarrassment. 

“So, moment of truth? Did Keefe actually say that he thinks your eyes are the prettiest thing in the world? That your silver-tipped hair is way cooler than his artfully tousled locks? Huh? And you can’t even lie because Keefe will tell through your emotions.”

Tam can feel his face heat up and he swats Marella’s arm as she cackles. 

“That’s not a no,” She sing-songs.

“I’m going to go find your girlfriend, weirdo before you get worse with this punch you’re drinking.”

As he’s getting up, Tam suddenly gets pulled down into Keefe’s lap.

“What? No kiss goodbye for your boyfriend?” Keefe pouts. Tam starts to blush before he gets an idea. He smirks, pulls Keefe’s face closer, and as he shuts his eyes and puckers his lips for a kiss, Tam quickly pushes him away. 

Keefe sputters from the ground, clothes covered in dirt as Marella high-fives Tam, who can’t stop laughing.

“What? No kiss for your wonderful, amazing boyfriend with better hair than you, and who definitely didn’t push you to the ground? ”

Keefe rolls his eyes and smiles, “Laugh all you want Tammy but I’m going get you back for that.” Tam scoffs in disbelief before getting up to go look for Linh when she suddenly appears next to Marella. 

“Babe!” Marella lights up and Linh pecks her lips as she sits down on the log. 

Tam slowly sits back down, snuggling next to Keefe as he does so. The four of them, content in each other’s company. His chest pangs with warmth and Tam worries for a minute that the Hanahaki is back and he has about five seconds before flowers start coming out. But then Keefe runs his hands through his hair one more time as if reassuring the other boy that he’s here for support, and Tam’s worries are quelled. 

Hours pass by as they eat food and exchange stories. Most of them, regaling tales of Keefe’s infamous pranks in the Elite Towers and filling Marella in on life in the towers. 

Somehow, as the sun starts to set, Tam ends up lying down in Keefe’s lap as Keefe messes with Tam’s bangs. Marella and Linh exchange a glance and tell Tam and Keefe, they’re heading back for the night. They wave their goodbyes and light leap away to Solreef, where they’re staying for the night. Tam decides he wants to stay for a little while longer, basking in the mellow atmosphere of the night. He closes his eyes and feels the warm air against his face. Keefe leans over and nuzzles his nose. Tam opens his eyes, startled. He tilts his head quizzically at Keefe, asking a silent question. _Why?_

“It’s nothing really. You just make me happy, that’s all” 

Keefe smiles at him nervously after that confession and Tam’s hit with that warm feeling in his chest again. He sits up, holds Keefe's face, and gazes into his eyes, trying to convey his message. Tam doesn’t know if he’s ready to say it aloud, but he can show it and he hopes Keefe will understand. 

He does. 

Tam smiles, kisses Keefe’s cheek, and heads towards the drinks for another glass of lushberry juice. 

Tam pauses when he notices an open space, covered in moonlight. He heads over there for some necessary peace and quiet. It’s serene and Tam’s left with his thoughts.

_Is he happy? Is he really truly, finally at peace?_

Linh and his friends are here, and they’re happy and safe. The Neverseen have been gone for a while. He’s controlling his shadow, he’s smiling more, and therapy is _still_ doing wonders. Plus, Keefe Sencen is his boyfriend.

He’s dating the infamous Keefe Sencen. He makes Keefe Sencen _happy.._

Tam smiles giddily. He takes a deep breath, taking in the fresh air. 

No more flowers. No more blood. No more tears. No more pain. _He’s not going to die._ In fact, he's going to spend a long life with his friends and his sister and his boyfriend, who just happens to be his one-in-a-million-chanced soulmate. 

“Penny for your thoughts?” 

Tam turns and sees Keefe leaning against a tree, eyes crinkled and a soft smile gracing his features.

He shrugs, acting casual, “Oh, nothing. Just thinking of how much trouble you’re going to bring on the way back to the dorms. Planning on rescuing a hurt baby alicorn during the leap?” 

Keefe throws his head back and laughs at Tam’s words, “I don’t know,” He plays along.

“You heard of the new dinosaur roaming about, right? You never know, maybe I’ll catch the next Verdi.”

Keefe stands upright and holds his hand out for Tam to hold. Tam takes it. 

_Yeah,_ he thinks as he’s led towards the exit, _Tam would say he’s pretty happy._

fin.

**Author's Note:**

> yes i know they're sappy and yes it's completely because of the fact that i'm sappy but....can you blame me? i simply love them <3 (i may have also gotten semi-attached to aarnav, my annoying brown elf representation..whoops)  
> also! in case you were wondering:
> 
> petunias (especially white petunias) symbolize resentment and anger, purple hydrangeas are used to indicate a desire for a deeper understanding of someone else, white carnations are a symbol of grief, and any other flowers you imagined because i was purposefully vague because one, i cannot research that many flowers with negative emotions and two, i don't want to intrude on you, the reader's vision of what flowers he's coughing up
> 
> but anyway, hope you enjoyed!! talk to me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/view/loverofallthingssmart), comment and/or kudos if you liked it and have a wonderful day/night lovelies!! <3


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